TCHB-060 - Secret Records of a Certain Man 17

At night, while uploading videos in front of the computer, I was reading a book that had recently become a hot topic. I won't reveal the book's title, but it's a story about women. "Desire" and "Consumption." Those words strangely lingered in my chest. My job is to edit and post obscene videos of women. "This one will get views, prioritize it." "No emotions needed. Just look at the numbers." I remember my boss always saying that. At first, I hated his arrogant, cold attitude, treating people like tools. Just looking at his face made my chest feel uneasy. Yet, somehow, I started to feel elated or dejected by his every word. I felt relieved when praised, and sleepless when ignored. Before I knew it, I started to see the women on the screen as nothing more than "materials" or "products." In the book, the women ate, desired, chose, and lived boldly. They embraced their lives as their own. But I, I arrange someone else's desires and live off someone else's evaluations. I close the page and look at the screen. A woman with a pretty face. A woman with a good body. A woman who looks like a good casual partner. A woman you'd want to marry. In the end, a life being abused by men and turned into numbers. And my fingers pressing it all calmly. When did it start? I started to want to become like my boss. A strong, cold person who feels nothing. If I could become like that, I thought this job and this daily routine would surely be easier. But now that I've finished the book, that thought feels a little scary. I'm still here, hesitating in front of the computer screen, yet still unable to stop my fingers. The fact that there's still a part of me that can think, "This is wrong," is the only small consolation.